please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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