I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
i love accidental penises.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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