You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
