my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Randomize
