A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
Just invented taco cereal.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
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