i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Randomize
