When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
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