I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
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