Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
