she sounds like chewbacca in bed
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
