Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Rumble strips road head = magical
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
