Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
