wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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