Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
