You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
