"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
