he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
