"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
