So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Randomize
