I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
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