I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
