I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
