Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
You may now shotgun with the bride
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Randomize
