Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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