I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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