My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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