Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
