The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
