I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
