I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
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