After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
