please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
