then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Also, beer. Big fan.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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