i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
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