apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
they're like a gay fantastic four
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Randomize
