Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
