Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Randomize
