Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
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