she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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