tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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