You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
