I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
