you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Randomize
