what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Randomize
