why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
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