I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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