I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Randomize
