Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
