i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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