Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Randomize
