wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
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