how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
